My reflection on my prayer life leads me back to the first time I can say that I really encountered God in my prayer. The experience took place in a retreat house in Batulao where we had the high school senior’s retreat some ages ago. Our retreat master told us that God is present in nature. And he asked us to choose a medium in which God can best speak to us.
I chose wind.
The encounter wasn’t extraordinary. But there was something pleasant in the experience words cannot explain. I loved the sweet after-taste of it. It was consoling.
From then on, every time a gush of wind blows gently, and at times even vigorously, on my skin, I know that He is around.
However, things change. In life, I realized that good things don’t last that much.
The question quintessential question “how can I find God?” translates to my personal experience as to “how can I commune with him?” Somewhere along the way, I know that I have found Him. However, a question that lingers in my mind is “do I still have Him?”
Through prayers, I painstakingly search for Him. The efforts I exert don’t always bear success. More than achieving, I am aware that there were more failures.
Sometimes, I ask God; if he really calls me, why make it difficult for me to know His will? Why is it necessary for me to struggle every time I sit down and pray? These questions remain unanswered. But I am not in a hurry. I console myself that perhaps, I may not be ready for the answer.
Realizing that I have not grown much roots and foundation in praying. I still need to do a lot.
The destination is still hiding from the far horizons, but I am aware that I have already begun.